I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I have writer’s block. I have been trying to think of something insightful to write about for a good hour now. But then it struck me like a ton of blocks (yes, I went there) that this is one of the most common feelings for people before, during and even sometimes after a divorce.
Feeling blocked is that sinking feeling in your stomach as you try to process through problem–solving, but every thought seems too hard and hopeless. Under divorce circumstances, feeling blocked surfaces nearly daily like this: “My house will not be able to sell in this market.” “My kids will suffer if they are not with me every day.” “I will be alone.” “I won’t have enough money.” These thoughts serve to cement your fears and leave you unable or unwilling to move forward.
Divorce moves slowly. Ask any one of my clients and they will confirm this truth. One of the keys to getting through divorce is to keep in action. However small the action is – to keep from letting your blocks paralyze you. My Coach often tells me to take my goals or my to-do list and break it down even smaller and then even smaller until it is the most manageable, easy task.
I found that during a divorce, this advice equally applies to emotional blocks. Take your fears and break them down into small, manageable actions. Turn “My house will not be able to sell in this market” to I need to get a market analysis to – I need the name of an agent to – I need to call the person from church who may know a good realtor to – I need to look up the phone number in the directory to – I need to find the directory. No longer is the focus on the dismal housing market but the focus is on finding the church directory to make a quick call. Keeping in action inevitably provides relief from those fears.
What are those things that are blocking you in your life? I urge you to find the smallest action to address your fear. And I mean tiny. And then start moving forward. Before long you will be taking those blocks and building your future.
Angela Dunne
