Bathtub

It’s valentine’s day and it’s been impossible to ignore it.

The barrage of reminders of holiday of love are everywhere. Romantic commercials of cuddling couples and tiny jewelry boxes as soft music plays. Notices to place your order for the long stemmed red roses in every newspaper. Mountains of pink cupcakes and heart shaped cookies in the grocery aisle.

It’s just another day, we try to convince ourselves.

For those of us who will not be sipping champagne over a romantic dinner or receiving a flower delivery in front of envious coworkers, it can be hard to convince ourselves that we don’t care.

We claim we don’t and then we notice ourselves getting cranky when a friend basks in the glow of their lover’s poem or we overhear the gushing about the perfect gift. We feel our energy sink as we try to remind ourselves, “It’s just another day.”

Sad and lonely settle in.

From the teenager who has no date for the dance to the 80 year old missing their long deceased spouse, we are not alone when it comes to the wish that we could believe that this was just another day.

The truth is that feeling sad and lonely comes in many forms to many people. We can be lonely inside a marriage or living solo.  We can feel sad having several suitors or having none.  Divorce is not the only state which leaves us feeling blue instead of in the pink.

I have always found comfort in realizing that I am not alone.  Whether it is in my little worries or my big fears, I find relief in knowing that I am not the only one experiencing unhappy thoughts or feelings.

So what are we to do when there is no bouquet, no heart-shaped box of chocolates, no card?  Whether this is or is not “just another day,” how will we spend it?  How do we remember that the choice is ours?

Do we have enough compassion for ourselves to grant permission to hole up in our bedroom with the remote in hand?  Do we decide to text a loved one to relay our message of love?  Do we give a little love to ourselves with time spent enjoying a great meal, our favorite author, or people who make us smile?

We get to choose. This expectation-filled, emotion laden day is just another day, and we get to choose. If we choose well, we will have a little more heart to make it through the other days of the divorce journey and of our life.

Coach Koenig

 Whether or not this is just another day, how will you choose to spend it?

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