Shelving
“I don’t know what to do.” 
“I don’t know what I
want.”  “I am not sure.”  “I don’t know if I will regret this
decision.”  “What would you do?”  “What if I make the wrong decision, can I
change it later?”

I am asked any variety of these questions from clients on a
weekly basis.  As a person who
particularly suffers when I am unsure, I can relate.  There are few feelings less unsettling when
looking at making decisions about your and your children’s future, than being
unsure.

A couple of weeks ago I was at a leadership retreat.  If you have never been to one, they are chock
full of self-assessment inventories.  You
may be asked to look at personality traits, learning styles, or how you react
in emergency situations.  I happen to be
a self-assessment junkie.  From my daily
horoscope to taking Gallup’s
Strength Finders, I am always looking for insight into the depths of me. 

I find it particularly helpful in times of high stress to
take the time to self-assess.  It is
useful to take stock of what is most important to you.  In doing an assessment, your true underlying
intentions surface and may better guide your decision-making.  This will lead to greater confidence in the
decision once made.

Some questions to look at as you move through your divorce:

  • What am I most worried about?
  • What makes me happy?
  • What is the most important issue to be
    addressed?  What are the next 2 in order?
  • What scares me?
  • What makes my blood boil?
  • What are my intentions with respect to how I
    treat my children?
  • What are my intentions with respect to how I
    treat my spouse?
  • How important will this decision be in 6 months?
    In one year (or five)?
  • Am I being in integrity with my values?

 Step back and assess those items that you have control
over.  Prioritize the list.  When looking at a difficult question or
decision that need be made, take out your list. 
Remind yourself of what is most important.  No one will see your list.  This is for your eyes only.  It is your truth captured.  May your inventory inspire and guide you to
confident decisions.

Angela Dunne

  1. October 10, 2013

    Good advice Angela!

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