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A Stranger Scenario

March 3, 2016 /
“Whatever, Mom!” and up went her eyes rolling into her forehead.  My hands gripped the steering wheel a little tighter as I forced myself to focus on keeping my Irish temper at bay.  My eleven-going-on-twenty-seven-year-old daughter, Anna, had just disclosed to me that she had, let’s say, not been as helpful when a teacher asked for assistance as I thought she should have been.  When I said so, this prompted my first experience with both a “whatever” and an eye roll.  Double whammy day.  I knew to be quiet and let her sit with it. Later that evening, she came
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Following Orders

October 8, 2015 /
“I don’t want to go,” she said imploringly with her big brown eyes starting to fill with the flicker of tears. “Can’t you tell him that I can stay with you? Please Mom? I want to be with you.”              “No. I can’t. That isn’t how it works,” was my stoic reply.  This was not the first time, nor will it be the last, that one of my daughters did not want to go to their Dad’s for the weekend. He was committing the offensive act of taking her to a hog roast in Kansas for the weekend. For my
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Defensive

August 27, 2015 /
A year ago this month I made a mistake that I still feel embarrassed about today. When my former spouse asked about his new wife coming to the annual Meet the Teachers night a couple of days before school started, I retorted that I did not think that appropriate. In my view, Meet the Teachers night was for parents and their children to meet the teachers. Not for step-parents to also meet the teachers and be included in this family event. I was wrong. But you see nothing puts me in the all-too-familiar, yet unflattering, defensive mode faster than any
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Revelation Reality

August 13, 2015 /
“Mom?” I turned around and saw the sick look on my almost nine-year olds face.  “Max is in the bag.” We were packing for a trip to the pool and I grabbed an old bag out of my closet, tossed it on the bed, and absent-mindedly told her to put the towels in it. Max is our Christmas elf. You know the one – the one with creepy eyes that follow you wherever you move and works magic for 24 days in December under the guise that he is reporting any bad behavior to Santa Claus.  Well, he was in
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Disneyland Dad

June 18, 2015 /
I have a confession… I have a Disneyland Dad. I have a dad who is not called Grandpa by my girls, but Funpa. I have a dad who takes my girls bowling and to Funplex and makes adventure out of everything. I have a dad who introduced my girls to mochas and minions. In every way he fits the definition of a Disneyland Dad. The term Disneyland Dad dates back to an era when parents without custody and without much parenting time spent it entirely in fun and games with their children, while the custodial parent was left with the
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Stage Fright

May 21, 2015 /
She looked up at me with a look I was not accustomed to seeing from my spunky Sophia. My normally precocious and extroverted little girl held insecurity and worry in her big brown eyes. At the ripe age of 8, she was suddenly shy as those feelings of stage fright started to take hold as I walked her to the backstage entrance for her very first dance recital. I squatted down to eye level, faced her toward me and took both of her hands in mine. I said, “You know what people like to see? It isn’t the dance steps
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Whew

April 30, 2015 /
Whew. I can breathe a sigh of relief. I wasn’t as bad of a mother as I sometimes thought. Don’t get me wrong. I was a good mom. Montessori, broccoli, and hugs. But my efforts at being the best mom I could be didn’t stop the thoughts that I should have spent more time with my children. If how my children turned out as adults could earn a prize, their dad and I would win the biggest blue ribbon ever. But plenty of people manage to grow up to be remarkable human beings notwithstanding imperfect parenting.  So my grown children’s
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The Duty of Discomfort

April 16, 2015 /
Have you ever been amazed when someone remembers a handful of words you once spoke in the distant past? Trina and I recently found ourselves catching up on each other’s lives. My Benjamin and her Ricky were classmates, soccer teammates, and playmates. Our sons had kept their friendship into adulthood, but it had been years since I’d had a chance to really talk to Trina. After boasting about boys and catching up on careers, the conversation wandered toward my former husband. “I remember when I first heard about your divorce,” Trina said. “I was shocked.” I unconsciously held my breath.
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Brothers Balance

March 19, 2015 /
My children lost a lot due to my divorce.  They lost dreams. They lost having one place to call home. They lost the luxury of not having to explain.  Despite a good co-parenting relationship between their dad and me, the tears and rage that can accompany divorce did not escape my children. The phone call with the tiny voice saying, “I just want to be with you.”  The bedroom door kicked in by my twelve year old. Cuttingly cruel words coming out of your own child’s mouth because he knows your wounds well. I wish I could have spared them.
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Pit and Peak: A Week in the Life of Co-Parenting

March 12, 2015 /
With 15+ years of being a divorce lawyer under my belt, I can say without hesitation that I am most often asked by my clients and people in general, about how I personally co-parent my children post-divorce. My former spouse and I share joint legal and physical custody of our school-age daughters and have for the last 4 years. Some people have commented, “You make it look easy.” The truth is, it isn’t easy and just like any parent couple knows, it comes with ups and downs. My former husband and his new family have a dinnertime ritual of debriefing
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