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Tag: parenting

parenting

A Wonder of Worry

My mother would have turned 88 this week. In 1962 our family of 9 moved into a two bedroom house, which she resided in up until her death. 50 years later, I live and work walking distance from that little house. My mom worried about her children. I can only imagine how she worried when we moved into that house because there was no money for rent at our previous place; or when Dad was laid off from his construction job at Christmas time; or when he was fired for his drinking.   Through most of my adult life her
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The Gossip Game

The childhood game of telephone was guaranteed to bring peals of laughter.  By the time the whispered message made its way down the line of those passing on the message, it was sure to be a hilarious ending. We played the game because it was fun. But during divorce, a message misinterpreted can cause needless worry, sadness, or anger. We hear that our former spouse is driving a new Lexus. We get upset wondering where the money came from. Later we learn it was a borrowed car.  We are told she was seen sitting at a table for two in
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About Face

It’s complicated.  That should have been my permanent Facebook status in 2011.  I initially joined Facebook for the ability to easily share pictures of my children with my family and friends who lived in states from Florida to Oregon.  So my obvious network included my family – who at that time included my in-laws.  You can imagine my surprise when I realized one day after separating from my husband that I had been unfriended by some of those I had considered family for more than 10 years.  To say it stung is an understatement.   And I noticed the deletion by
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A House Divided

I put my “marital residence” on the market upon filing for divorce.  It sat there for months without a bright red SOLD sign on it.   I tidied the entire house for numerous showings, which I can assure you with two small children is no slight feat.  I received multiple offers on the property – all of which I was financially unable to accept.  My daughters and I have perpetually been uncertain about where we would be living in the next 60 days.   All while going through a divorce.  With the decline in the housing market and the depressed economy, we
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Heart Day

(Audible groan).  I am not a big fan.  Every since Danny Carlson didn’t confess his undying love to me in his valentine in 5th grade, Valentine’s Day has always measured up as a disappointment. Valentine’s Day during a divorce is particularly tough.  It is different from getting through Christmas morning without your kids or getting through Thanksgiving without all of the secretly loved chaos of extended family being around the table.  Valentine’s Day is a pronounced reminder of the heartache you feel.  Valentine’s Day is primarily about what I will dub Expectation Management hereinafter referred to as “EM.”  (I have
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What’s In a Name?

I promise I am not about to tell you to stop and smell the roses during your divorce.  But I may not be able to resist quoting Shakespeare while discussing a very particular challenge related to divorce. The name change issue and the ensuing identity struggle during and after divorce is a common one.  Men ask me if they can control whether their former wife changes her name back to her maiden name (they can’t) and women, particularly women with children, struggle with this big decision.  I recently overheard two divorced moms discussing this complex issue.  One woman had restored
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Making a Case

Thirty years of being a divorce lawyer taught me how to build a winning case. I learned that one can gather evidence for any conclusion.  At trial, both sides have a stack of exhibits, a list of witnesses, a summary of statutes, and an argument. We build cases to support our conclusions. When going through divorce, we choose from many conclusions:             “My life is ruined.”  OR “My life is changing but it will be okay.”             “My children will be devastated.” OR “With enough love and stability, my children                                                                                           will survive this.”             “I will never recovery financially.” OR
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Think Positive

In contrast to people’s often stated resolve to think positively, this week my assistant posed the question, “Do people ever chose to think negatively?”  The answer, in a word, yes ~ particularly during a divorce.  In our culture, we are conditioned to respond to divorce, by default, in a negative way.  My young daughters have been perplexed that Daddy and Mommy do not hate each other because that is what divorce means when watching t.v. or listening to classmates at school.  When actually going through divorce, it is as if you are handed a license to go ahead and think
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