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Tag: Susan Koenig

Susan Koenig

Retreat. Reflect. Remember.

The wind pulled the cold temperature to single digits as the gray sky stared down at the brown patches of dirt amidst the snow. Looking out the window, I saw a few determined leaves cling to their branches as they  whipped back and forth. It was the first evening of my solo retreat, and the fireplace and my candle were my best companions. To retreat, to withdraw, to pull back. None of these come naturally for me. I prefer to advance to the next level, to introduce myself at the slightest opportunity, and to push forward toward my goals. Nevertheless,
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New Year Anew

Photo by: Larry Ferguson The first text arrived at 3:16 on Saturday afternoon. “Explosion at M’s today. It’s on fire.” Despite my usual disdain for 24 hour news, I obsessively checked all available sources around the clock for details in every update on the destruction.             All the building glass blown out.             Flames shooting from top of building.             Entire roof engulfed in flames.             Smoke and debris filling the air.             All the people running.             60 firefighters.             Fourteen homes.             A timeless treasure.             A total loss             A tragedy. Despite the news, miraculously no one
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Holy Tribe

As I knelt near the edge of the pew, angelic voices of small children singing alleluia mingled with the faint yet familiar aroma of incense filling the cavernous cathedral of St. Cecilia. I looked down, my hands folded in prayer, as row after row of the faithful in front of me, beside me, and behind me filed slowly to the front of the church. I avoided making eye contact with those receiving the small sacred wafer. I knew I no longer belonged. As a second grader in Sister Leodegar’s class preparing for months for my first holy communion at St.
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Spooked by the Specter

This Halloween marks a mere 40 days until my next milestone birthday. Moses fasted during his 40 days, but not I, no matter how fit I hope to look in my birthday party dress. I will, however, have a deluxe facial (an early birthday gift from a bosom pal) from the esthetician who enthusiastically declared she could remove my many forehead lines which for years have rested without complaint beneath my bangs. In my 20s I fell in love and married. In my 30s I got divorced. In my 40s I fell in love and married. In my 50s I
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Surviving Salsa

People have two fears, he claimed at the start of the class. Fear of public speaking and fear of dancing. I’m comfortable at a podium in front of hundreds of people. But I was scared of my salsa lesson. My anxiety soared when the statuesque Svetlana made her entrance onto the dance floor with her perfect dance shoes, short skirt, and red flower tucked into her beautifully braided hear. I was the only beginner that night, and I was about to be used as an example. I felt like I was back in summer camp where, at the end of
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To Tell the Truth

I lied more than a little during my marriage. I lied that everything was okay. I lied by accepting words of denigration and acts of humiliation. I lied because I lacked the courage to tell the truth. To tell the truth meant that I would be giving up on my wedding vows. And as anyone who knows me can attest, giving up is not Susan’s strong suit. I once was convinced a job was meant for me, and it took six rejected applications before I finally surrendered. To tell the truth about the abusive aspects of my marriage meant that
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The Risk of the Rush

After the doctor examined me he handed me a list of recommendations. At the top list were three simple words: Do not rush. It was an appropriate prescription. My driving record revealed I’d had more than one speeding ticket in the same year. I completed college in three years. I opted for the “Fast Track” program when I studied to be a coach. And in far too many moments my mouth has moved at a speed far faster than my brain.  With the exceptions of the time it takes me to run a 5k or to learn my life lessons,
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Heartache Pass

This is my charmed life. My Saturday started with a delightful invitation from a law school classmate to pick wild flowers on his acreage. Armed with my best shears, I gleefully celebrated the humble goldenrod as our state flower while filling my bucket to the brim. As I leaned in for the Black Eyed Susans, a wave of sadness gently washed over me. I was reminded of a bit of heaven on earth from my married life. Like many who go through divorce, a treasured piece of land I loved had to be sold. It was the place I went
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Happy Anniversary

My husband’s terminal cancer diagnosis kicked off the season. We followed the doctor’s “You better take this vacation while you still can” prescription, a family fiasco instead of fun in Alaska. Upon our return I oversaw the renovation of a century old building for our law office, during which a fiber optic cable punctured our sewer line creating a giant messy pit. By August I found myself on the hilly slope of a college campus giving a gut wrenching farewell to my youngest who at 15 would now live in a dormitory over a thousand miles away from me at
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Damaged Goods

“You’re a divorce lawyer?” he asked with some mixture of mild surprise or delight that I couldn’t discern. “I just called one last month.” He had only been married for three years but had been planning his separation for some time. “She’s mean,” he repeated three times during our flight from D.C. to Chicago. We had plenty of time for him to explain. How his wife forbade him to spend time with his friends.  How he had been cut off from his four sisters since he got married. He boasted about the college plans for his adopted daughter as he
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