Divorce doesn’t just happen; there are usually signs along the way that point to a troubled marriage, and if nothing is done to address the problems, then divorce is typically the end solution.  How can you tell if your marriage is over?  Marriage experts agree that these 7 signs probably mean you are headed for a divorce:

1.  You are angry with your spouse a lot.  All spouses get mad with each other at one time or another; it’s perfectly normal.  However, if there are continuing issues that remain unresolved — arguments over sex, money, children, etc. — you may want to get yourselves in front of a therapist to address these issues so you no longer have to live in anger.

2.  You no longer have sex.  While sexual appetites can differ in a marriage, and change with age or childbirth, it is important to stay connected physically and emotionally to maintain a healthy marriage.  If you are repulsed by the thought of having sex with your spouse or are getting your needs met elsewhere, your marriage is in need of serious course correction or is likely headed toward divorce. . 

3.  You don’t want to spend time together.  If you’re not looking forward to a vacation with your spouse — or even an evening out alone together — this could be a sign that you have stopped appreciating him or her as a partner and are on your way to being more roommates than spouses. 

4.  You don’t like your spouse.  If you find yourself rolling your eyes at your spouse’s jokes, hating his or her friends, or disagreeing just to be disagreeable, you need to take a fresh look at your marriage and see where things went wrong.  The first step is to make a list of the qualities that first attracted you to your spouse, and then check that list to see if these things still apply — or if you are just being unpleasant. Upon reflection, you may find that your spouse’s good qualities outweigh the bad and that would be sign your marriage could be repaired with some effort.

5.  You don’t trust your spouse.  If your spouse has done something that has made you lose trust — by cheating, hiding money, or something else — you have to determine if you will allow your spouse to earn your trust again.  If he or she has apologized and taken accountability for the loss of trust, you need to learn to forgive or decide to move on.  Marriages cannot survive without trust.

6.  You don’t respect each other.  If you are openly contemptuous of each other’s feelings, this can kill your marriage. If you no longer value each other, then your marriage is probably irretrievably broken.

7.  You envision a future without your spouse.  If you are looking forward to a future that doesn’t include your spouse and are making plans separately, you may be headed for a permanent separation.  It is not unusual for spouses to flounder a bit when the last child leaves home, so it’s important for you to make future plans together for just the two of you.  Dreaming together is an important part of intimacy in a marriage; without it, you may be living separate lives.

Determining whether to end a marriage is not an easy decision nor one to be taken lightly. Your legal team at Koenig|Dunne is here to provide you with guidance and advice regarding this difficult decision and all of the decisions that you will face throughout the divorce process.

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