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Bad Mom

Bad Mom

Koenig Dunne Omaha Divorce Lawyer 5-5-16

(This photo was taken a week before my divorce was final)

I was crying so hard that the hair above my ears was soon soaked as I lay on the table.  In what felt like a desperate act, the month before my divorce was final, I went to see an intuitive, Sue, to help me on the path toward healing.  Truthfully, I think I just wanted someone to tell me that finalizing my divorce was the right thing to do.  I thought she would look inside my soul and read the crystal ball and tell me that I was making the right decision for my daughters and me.  I hoped with all my heart that in doing so, some of the weight from the burden of that decision could come off my shoulders.

I lay down and she placed her hand in the air above my heart.  Immediately my grief rushed forward and the gut-wrenching sobs flowed out of me.  My mom sat in the room supporting me and when I looked over, her eyes were also filled with tears.  Sue stood over me and said simply that I was not a bad mother. 

You see the most prominent thought I had been carrying with me every day through my struggling marriage was that a divorce would harm my children.  That only bad moms harm their children.  Therefore I was a bad mom for needing a divorce.  I did not know how deeply this damaging thought was embedded in my heart until that moment with Sue when I started to feel the release.  Being a bad mom was my darkest fear, my most shameful secret, and the worry that led to many wake filled nights.

Never mind that I had been a divorce lawyer for a decade by this time and had seen mothers and their children thrive after divorce, year after year. I was somehow convinced I would be the exception.  Sue asked me to forgive myself for the divorce.  Sue made me look at the truth around my relationship with my daughters: that the fierce love I held for them was strongly reciprocated; that since the separation our time together was filled with happiness and calm; and, that we felt safe, secure, and stable despite our changing family.  Someone had finally given me permission to be a divorced mom and a good mom.

In the years since my divorce, I have experienced the truth I had observed over the years when watching my clients.  I see that my own happiness, authenticity, and wholeness have a direct positive influence on my girls.  I see that our home is filled with love, normal parent/child challenges, and an undeniable enthusiasm for life.  And most importantly, I own that I am not a bad mom.

Angela Dunne