Category: Doing Divorce

I couldn’t wait.  It was likely going to be our own version of a Hallmark Christmas movie.  But this one would be about a mother and her teenage daughters having the most magical Christmas time ever.  No plot twists were allowed that would involve a hardship to overcome.  My daughters and I were off to Chicago for two days to sight-see, shop, and spend time at a German Christmas market. To ante up the expectation, for calendar reasons, this was to be my only weekend with the girls until after Christmas.  This needed to be good. The first night we

It was a startling statement.  “You need to go to the hospital right now for a CT scan to rule out stroke.”  I blinked without focusing and shook my head in disbelief.  I had arrived at my doctor’s office with the confidence that she would give me an antibiotic to alleviate my self-diagnosed sinus infection (despite no actual symptoms).  How else could I explain the pain in my head and the blind spots I was having in both eyes?  A Google search had indicated it could be a sinus infection… I arrived at the hospital gripping the referral sheet –

I lay on my couch too listless to pick up the book I want to read or even to pick up the remote to watch a new murder docuseries I had saved.  Maybe I will turn on music – but my phone is on the dining room table.  I remember I need to take the garbage to the curb – eh, it can wait another week.  I am numb. I am scared, worried, and uncertain about my future.  I feel this now thinking about the country I love.  I felt this in 2011 when I was in the midst of

I sat with a mess of memories in front of me. Reflections from our fishing trips, vacations to the beach, our wedding, the births of our babies – all in shiny ornaments to be boxed away with the holidays now over. The tree ornaments were a reflection of our collective identity as a couple. We had been compiling this collection for nearly a decade spent together. The usual post-holiday sadness set upon me.  But this year there was so much more – I felt desolation.  I was aware my marriage was failing.  It was hard, empty, and lonely.  Our moments

Halloween is one of my favorite nights of the year.  Particularly when it lands on a cool, windy evening and you can hear the leaves crunching and rustling underfoot as the children laugh up and down the sidewalks before shouting “trick or treat” at doorsteps.  I enjoy the occasional whiffs through the air of burning pumpkin and the taste of the crispy Kit Kat that I inevitably steal from one of my daughters’ treat bags by the end of the night. What I do not enjoy about Halloween is the feeling of being scared.  I would no more willingly walk

She said it in such a whisper I could barely tell she was talking.  “I still love him,” she said with a shiver of shame running over her.  My heart moved over to make room for her.  I had met this sadness before – from the hims and hers who came in throughout the years ahead of her.  They told me about the struggles living with a spouse addicted, with a spouse turned paranoid, or with a spouse now violent.  Their sadness you could nearly cup in your hand it was so palpable.  They sought options to end the cycle

The first time I saw a man punch a woman in the face, I was in high school, in the passenger seat of my boyfriend’s car, looking out the window at the bowling alley we were passing.  I was shocked, horrified, and instantly felt sick to my stomach.  Prior to that moment it had never occurred to me, outside of movies, that someone would be violent toward a person that they were supposed to love and cherish.  That punch was a pivotal moment shaping the woman I have grown into and what ultimately led to my pursuit of a legal

I get nervous just thinking about it – all of my co-workers rating me in all areas of my professional performance.  Do I keep my promises?  Do I approach my work with enthusiasm?  Do I listen without interrupting? Every year I must remind myself why I actively choose to put myself through a performance review. Founded on the principle “look, see, tell the truth, take authentic action,” our firm coach, Susan, teaches us that to move toward growth and betterment these four steps are key.  Performance reviews help us pause to look.  Our co-workers and supervisors help us see and

I live in constant fear.  Walking on eggshells, whispering my first words in a conversation and bracing myself when I hear the door shut from their arrival have become the norm.  It started about 2 years ago when my oldest turned 13.  My household now includes a 15 ½ year old and a 13 year old – thus the reason for my perpetual state of panic.  I worry about them driving.  I worry about what is happening on their phones.  I worry about why they don’t talk to me.  I worry about when they do talk to me.  I worry

“Mom, is Dad your friend?” she asked without notice or context as she sat next to me in the car.  “What…? Like Facebook friends?” I responded quickly to buy some time for a second to process how best to handle this query.  To be truthful, I had never really thought about it. We didn’t start out as friends.  We started out as dating.  Then we were spouses.  Now we are exes.  Ultimately our relationship failed.  In the twelve years we were together, we never experienced the lightness and careless independence of being friends.  I can go months without seeing or