OUR BLOG
Welcome to the Koenig|Dunne blog. We have three different blog series for you to find inspiration and encouragement as you go on this journey:
- Doing Divorce, A thoughtful discussion about divorce: Angela Dunne provides practical advice based on real examples of what she and her clients have faced through the transition of divorce.
- Divorce Made Simple: Our attorneys breakdown the divorce process in a way that is easy to understand.
- NEXT: An Empowerment Series: Attorney and life coach Susan Koenig guides, supports, and inspires you on the journey of creating a life you love.

“I hate him,” she sent the text in a fury. It came across my screen like an arrow, not so much aimed at my heart but at least my shoulder, causing me to metaphorically wince. “What happened?” I replied. She told me the tale – none of the details relevant – because all my heart hurt about was her distress, sadness, and pain.
All kids experience this at some point about each of their parents. And if you are sitting there smugly reading this and thinking my child will never hate me – let me tell you the day is coming, or it has already passed, and you were lucky enough not to have those thoughts from your child shared with you.
I suspect if my former spouse and I were still married and living in the same house together and these words had been thrown at one of us – later, in private and out of earshot of our child, we may have commiserated, smiled, and backed the other for whatever action led to the aggrieved angst of our teenager.
Instead, we no longer share a household. We no longer share a relationship. We no longer share trust, compassion, and our feelings with each other. So, when I read my daughter’s message – all I felt was rage. This anger was soon followed by a mother’s indignation that is felt when anyone harms our child.
My desire to defend and protect her overcame me. But angst for my daughter was not the only force at work. All of the evidence I have gathered, albeit unintentionally and subconsciously, since my marriage collapsed ten plus years ago came front and center. Thoughts that my ex-spouse is out to hurt me, cannot be trusted, and is not as good a parent as me provided the steely armor that encased me ready for battle.
I wanted to send a scathing text. No better yet I will call and raise holy hell. NO! I will go over and pick up my children and bring them home to my house for safety, security, and soothing. And maybe I even have cookies I can give them. I will rescue them!
Fortunately, I was in the middle of watching a captivating Netflix series on a serial killer and wanted to finish the episode before riding off in my SUV. By the time the show was over my daughter had already messaged me something completely unrelated to the aforementioned incident and we both kinda just forgot about it. Now, looking back I was like a lion that got poked, stood up and let out a loud roar, and then promptly laid back down and fell asleep.
Such are our emotions as divorced parents. There are likely not enough numbers in the universe to count the times we feel aggravated by our co-parents not doing it the way we would do it.
These three tips may support you (and me) the next time your children make a complaint about their other parent’s household, behavior, or rules.
- Pause. With the pausing you want to make sure and do some breathing. And when I say pause – I mean like pause for a minimum of 24 hours. Easier said than done for sure – but trust me. Time will be your greatest ally.
- Prepare. If after a good solid day of reflecting, venting to your closest friend, and a glass of wine you still feel a conversation is warranted. Prepare for the conversation. Look at the situation giving your co-parent the benefit of every doubt. Remember that your child is telling you the facts from their perspective and these may not always be 100% based in reality. Be prepared to ask questions rather than allege judgments.
- Persist. Persist in the aim to be a good co-parent. This is the most important relationship that can benefit your children in the big picture. Treat your co-parent how you want to reciprocally be treated. Read that about 3 more times. You would not want your co-parent coming at you with accusations, anger, and judgement. Persist in perching yourself on that higher road.
For many of you, co-parenting is the hardest relationship you will have. Much harder even than when you were married and miserable. I know this from experience and share the tools I use at least weekly. And if you only remember to do one of these things next time – just keep practicing. Eventually your armor will be dismantled and your huge heart for your children will be the only thing shining.

The pandemic has not been kind to couples. The physical, financial, emotional, mental stressors of remote working/learning/socializing is taking its toll. It is certainly taking its toll on all individuals, but for those couples who pre-pandemic were on shaky ground, the pandemic has now rocked their foundations to the core. I know this because our divorce team has been serving as the first responders to relationship damage.
Our clients are crushed. Divorcing during a national crisis is not for the faint of heart. Co-parenting during COVID is a game changer parents could not have seen coming and as amplified the challenges of raising children in separate households under separate philosophies.
Our court calendars are in crisis. With courthouses trying to keep the public spread at bay, our scheduled time before the judges on cases for hearings and trials are getting moved and pushed further out at a moment’s notice. This creates a backlog and alternatively a string of trials back to back to back.
Our office camaraderie has dimmed since trading our suits for sweatpants and working from home for the last 10 months. We miss each other. We really, really miss each other.
My team is worn thin. Over zoom I can see their shoulders reaching ever so slightly up toward their ears. In our one-on-one monthly meetings, I see glimpses of tears and the familiar resolve to steel up, grin, and bear it.
I decided early in the fall we would be closing our offices for the last 2 weeks in December to allow for much needed restoration. It seemed impossible. We are a small business in the middle of a pandemic – how would we possibly manage this? I needed to be bold and protect my hard-working team.
We started setting goals months ago for client care, for case management, and layers of back-up plans. The whole team shared the vision and desire. We broke the impossible down into manageable targets for productivity, efficiency, and defusing burnout. We looked at and tracked our goals every single week. They sacrificed taking other days off.
And now we are here. By the grace of shared will, unfazed focus, and wholehearted grit, my co-workers will be heading home tomorrow for 2 weeks to get what they need most – rest.
I watched the impossible unfold into reality right before my eyes and promise myself to take this lesson forward into my future.
Plan ahead
Practice patience
Break down the actions
Track often
Persist with the plan
Rest.
I want to especially thank my team publicly for all of their hard work this year. They have cheered for, cried about, and comforted our clients over these long hard months. They never once faltered in fulfilling their purpose to do divorce differently and support our clients and their families each step of the way. And now they need to rest.
We wish you a peace-filled holiday and we will enthusiastically see you again in 2021.

Despite the COVID pandemic, my Thanksgiving this year was downright crowded I mused. The day included Oliver, Willie, Mac (my cats) and me, myself, and I. That got my count to my second hand at least. Big sigh. Lucky for me, I have had years – 10 to be exact – practicing solo traditions and holidays. For many of you, this was your first year feeling the sting of a family tradition jarringly altered as families chose to avoid travel, decline big gatherings indoors, and to keep risk of exposure out of our homes.
If you felt the ache of longing for a loved one, or the sadness of an empty place setting, you now hold insight into the experience that occurs around the calendar for divorced parents. Inevitably one parent wakes on Christmas morning without the pitter patter of their children’s feet running to their room to rouse them for the wonders left behind by Santa. During Hanukkah one parent lights the menorah, says a blessing and recalls the story of Hanukkah in silent reflection without children arguing over whose turn it is to light the candle and to see delight as a carefully chosen gift is opened after.
This year I released my fury of frustration on my holiday house. I spent hours decking all of the halls, and shelves, and walls, and windows, and every space between. In pouring my heart into my home, I released my energy into that which could and would bring me joy. Without any intentionality around it, I had shifted my focus away from my sadness toward gladness as I lined up my favorite nutcrackers in a spot I would see often in the next 30 days.
I crafted my coziest space to ensure comfort on the days I will not be able to host my annual luminary party, that I will miss sharing my dad’s 74th birthday with him in person and the 44th birthdays of my twin siblings just a week after, that 3 days later on Christmas I will say goodbye to my girls as their dad takes them to Arizona. After all of these years of practice, I instinctively now know what I will need during this year of holidays during a pandemic.
This year you may want to consider the following:
- What are your intentions this holiday season?
To be joyful? To be reflective? To be relaxed?
- What do you have control over that will support your holiday intentions?
Your environment? Your time? Your zoom outfit and background?
- What will you do with your time that would otherwise have been spent in a frenzied holiday planning and preparing mode?
Sitting in front of the fire? Watching a favorite holiday movie? Baking cookies and exercising more patience than ever as your children “decorate” them?
There will likely be a sense of loss and difference this year during December. But you do have choices about how and when to grieve them and how and when to replace and refocus your energy into a more meaningful holiday season. From my holiday house to yours, I wish you peace, rest, reflection, and gratitude in this slowed down December ahead.

If you or your spouse have an ownership interest in a business, that ownership interest may be considered a marital asset subject to division in your divorce. As with any asset, the first question issue that must be determined is whether (or what portion) of the business interest is martial. If the business ownership interest is marital, then you must determine what the value of the interest is.
Determining the value of the ownership interest for divorce purposes can be complex. Some businesses have multiple owners with varying percentages of ownership interests. The type of business entity can also add to the complexity of determining a dollar amount to place on the interest. As such, when business interests are involved in a divorce, it is common for an expert to be retained to help value the business.
Certified public accountants, especially those with certifications in business valuations and forensic accounting, are commonly hired by each party to provide an expert opinion as to the value of the business. This opinion ultimately assists the parties (or the Court) in determining the dollar amount to attribute to the ownership interest.
Obtaining a business valuation is often essential when business interests are at stake in a divorce. There are three common approaches to valuing businesses:
- Income approach. This approach looks at the income the business generates to determine how much the business is worth.
2. Market approach. This approach takes a broader look at the market in which the business operates and looks at comparable businesses to determine the value.
3. Asset approach. This approach values the actual assets the business owns, less its liabilities, to determine the business’s net worth.
It is important to note that goodwill in a business is not valued in Nebraska in a divorce.
If you retain the ownership interest, you will be attributed with receiving the appropriate value from the marital estate. If you do not wish to retain the interest, or your spouse wishes to be awarded the interest, you may receive compensation for the value of your interest that is being awarded to your spouse.
If your divorce involves a business, contact our office to schedule a consultation to learn about your options and protect your financial estate.

Generally, tax returns, paystubs, and traditional wages are the easiest way to determine one’s income for purposes of child support and/or alimony. However, not all spouses earn income this traditional way. Non-traditional earnings, including dividends from income investments, passive income, retained earnings in a closely-held corporation (if excessive or inappropriate), Social Security benefits, as well as more-complex income streams may be taken into account when determining child support and/or alimony obligations.
If a spouse earns non-traditional income, your divorce attorney may recommend you seek the assistance of an expert to support in determining a complete picture of the income available for child support and/or alimony purposes. Financial documents, including tax returns, bank account statements, investment portfolios, profit/loss statements, and so forth, will be analyzed by your attorney and supporting expert(s) in your case.
Experts are often certified public accountants. CPAs with certifications in forensic accounting can be especially valuable expert witnesses. Upon conducting a forensic analysis of a spouse’s income and financial documentation, an expert will provide an opinion as to what that spouse’s true income is. That amount will then be used in calculating child support and an appropriate alimony award, if applicable.
If you or your spouse earn non-traditional income, contact our office to schedule an initial consultation to discuss your options and what you can expect in your divorce action.

Alternative forms of compensation, such as employee stock options are complex and present challenges in a divorce.
An employee stock option is the right of an employee to buy a specific number of shares of stock in the employer-corporation at a specific price (strike price, grant price, or exercise price) at a specified time in the future. Usually, there are restrictions and conditions on the employee’s right to exercise options, such as maintaining employment with the company for a required number of years. The employer may also allow various portions of options to vest at different stages.
When the required conditions are met, the option may be exercised (i.e. the employee may buy the stock).
There are two types of employee stock options (qualified and nonqualified). Whether stock options are qualified or unqualified relate to the tax treatment of the options to the employee.
The biggest question regarding employee stock options is determining how the options factor into the division of property in a divorce. The answer to this question is complex depending on a variety of factors.
When stock options are present in a divorce:
- Your divorce lawyer will obtain specific information regarding the stock options, including, but not limited to, complete plan documents, grant award statements, etc.
- You’ll need to value the option(s) to determine the martial portion and non-marital portion of each.
- It’s important to be cognizant of the tax implications for an award of stock options in a divorce. The value of the options can’t be realized without incurring income taxes. This is especially true if you are the option-holder, as the tax burden is on the option holder and can’t be transferred to the nonemployee spouse.
- A determination must be made about how the nonemployee spouse will receive the value of the stock options, since they are generally not assignable. The nonemployee spouse could receive an offset of other equivalent assets, if available, or adopt a “deferred distribution approach” which requires the spouses to divide the martial portion of the option in the future if and when they are exercised.
- Consideration must be given as to whether employee stock options are considered income or property for purposes of divorce.
Legal knowledge, the right experts, and experience matter when dividing stock options in a divorce. Contact our office to schedule a consultation to discover how our legal team at Koenig │Dunne can protect your financial estate and your future.

I lay on my couch too listless to pick up the book I want to read or even to pick up the remote to watch a new murder docuseries I had saved. Maybe I will turn on music – but my phone is on the dining room table. I remember I need to take the garbage to the curb – eh, it can wait another week. I am numb. I am scared, worried, and uncertain about my future. I feel this now thinking about the country I love. I felt this in 2011 when I was in the midst of my divorce.
It feels like the country is getting divorced. No longer are we reconciling our differences. No longer are we looking for our delightful similarities. No longer are we invested, kind, or co-existing in peace. We have become apathetic to each other’s views and only find fleeting strength when we engage in disagreements and get in line to vote.
We have become indifferent. We are shutting down. We take our sadness behind closed doors. We rail against the other side with our new version of trusted friends – our Facebook groups and feeds. We seek out and find all evidence that we are right and they are wrong
Dr. John Gottman uses the principle of Negative Sentiment Override (NSO). Negative sentiment override happens when over time arguing and conflict builds up and one person can no longer give the other the benefit of the doubt. Every interaction under NSO is viewed through a negative lens. We assume hurtful, mean, and cruel intentions behind every interaction. It seemingly takes 100 consistent positive interactions to defeat just one negative. I see NSO with my clients and I know immediately the marriage has no hope of recovery
Our citizenry is facing NSO over politics and world views – just as divorcing spouses suffer from it over parenting decisions and financial philosophies. Our nation is in collective need of intense therapy and support. We need to change, because unlike spouses, we cannot divorce. We have a duty and an obligation to each other to keep our country strong, healthy, and united.
It is incumbent upon us to start the hard work of repairing our relationship. We do not need to walk up the aisle with “the other side” but we do need to reach across it. We need to shift our focus from fear and judgment and endeavor to see and hear those with opposite views. We need to search until we find common ground – no matter how seemingly insignificant. We need to start creating our 100 positive interactions.
I have seen the possibility of healing come to life with as many clients as I have seen succumb to NSO. It shows up post-divorce when parents need to continue to co-parent, when a former in-law takes ill and bygones must truly be forgotten, and when the heart has healed and the bitter is released into forgiveness.
If we want to remain the United States, we have no viable option but to start defeating our collective NSO. We need to extend kindness, replace judgment with curiosity about our differences, and focus with all the grit we have on the greatest unifier we have – the love of our country.

I was sitting in my sadness wishing away the state of the world. Halloween isn’t going to be the same this year. My Thanksgiving table will not host my parents or my children. My December traditions will resemble, at best, hollowed out holidays. These sorrows seem petty next to the messages from my friends tearing further at my heart: a mother-in-law in the hospital likely due to COVID most surely facing her final days, an infant granddaughter rushed to the hospital for breathing difficulties, a suicide attempt, depression, anxiety, and distinct despair.
It is too much. I am too emotionally exhausted to shed tears. I feel the resignation coming over me like my worn weighted blanket. I want to hibernate this out. Or move to Ireland. Or throw my coffee mug across the room aiming to shatter it.
I glance down and the universe is actually talking to me. My coffee cup displays a not-so-subtle reminder of what has worked in the past. What if I sat with this for a moment? I feel the tension held tight in my shoulders weaken with the release of a deep sigh.
Cup of Thanks.
Then the tears come. A tear shed for each shame-induced reminder:
~ I see my mom and dad every other day on our iPads and phone screens
~ I laugh with my best friends near daily through funny texts and memes
~ I have never spent more time with my daughters than in these pandemic days
I have been prepped for this pandemic through my years as a divorcee. I have had many holidays without my daughters. I have had to recreate and reimagine my traditions for 9 years running. I know that time is what we make it.
I am not alone in this perpetual feeling of frustration, resignation, and depression. I know this time requires intentionality and pausing to reflect on that which we have and how we want to use it.
I get out a fresh sheet of paper.
What do I want to focus on between now and December 31, 2020?
What will be different and why? What are the alternatives to get what I most need or want?
What is the pace I want to set?
What is the feeling I want to create?
What are the expectations I need to manage?
My sadness subsides a bit. I have felt my feelings, I shifted to gratitude and carried it forward into an action plan for the weeks ahead. It dawns on me that this is my well-used ritual and with putting it to work once again I feel the comfort of control come over me. And for this I raise my cup of thanks.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg was sworn into the United States Supreme Court August 10, 1993. That same month, I moved out of my parents’ home and into my first college dormitory. That month, my dad made sure I had opened my first credit card to account for any emergencies. I walked into college with my future and possibilities ahead of me to work toward any career path that tempted me and with a full expectation of being equally treated alongside my male classmates.
Little did I know at the time, that Justice Ginsburg, during the decade I was born, was working tirelessly as an ACLU litigator to pave the path for women to be treated equally under the law. Because of her work, I could have that credit card, I could pursue job opportunities, and it never had to occur to me that I would not receive the same full benefits as my male counterparts. I largely took for granted all the benefits of equality I now enjoyed because of her legal work.
I did not know or realize how important Ruth Bader Ginsburg was to me until much later. In 1995, when this photo of me was taken in front of the United States Supreme Court, I had decided I would pursue law school as an extension of the work I was doing in the local domestic violence shelter. By this time there were two women serving on the highest court and in my speech class for our after-dinner speech assignment, Justice Dunne accepted her nomination to the high court.
It was only after law school and well into my legal career when I started to understand and deeply appreciate the relatively few women role models who were available. I identified with Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s causes, admired her steady, well-reasoned and tempered approach. To this day I wish I could be more like her and better control my emotions when feeling impassioned.
Politics aside, when I learned of Justice Ginsburg’s passing, I felt a sadness in my heart I had not yet experienced. She is the first hero for whom I grieve. Her death signifies a closing chapter of women’s work done and not to be forgotten. Will her legacy be lost? Will the generations of women who come next remember Ruth? Will the lady lawyers of the future continue to be inspired by her? Will they honor her with their legal work going forward?
May It Please the Court is the traditional opening for attorneys to address the court prior to presenting their oral argument. As I continue reflecting on the passing of this powerful woman and one of the greatest legal minds I have studied, I see I want my life’s work as a lawyer to be well thought out, steady, full of bravery in my advocacy, and ever mindful of the women and lawyers who would come after me. I want to live a legal life inspired by her and a new whispered mantra may now be “May it please you Ruth.”
This blog is made available to the reader by Koenig|Dunne for educational purposes only, to provide general information and understanding of the law, and not to provide specific legal advice. By reading this blog, no attorney-client relationship is developed between the law firm and the reader. This blog should not be used as a substitute for competent legal advice from a licensed professional attorney in your state. The content of this blog is not an advertisement for legal services.