She was in her seventies
when she went through her divorce. She
came to me with tears in her pale eyes and after having lived a lot of life to
find out she was being traded in for a younger model. She was married fifty years.
She is an amazing
artist. She is a successful mother after
having raised up her two babies into adulthood.
She is the kind of woman that you know to listen to because when she
talks the lines on the back of her hands and at the corners of her eyes show
you the place where wisdom resides.
Flaming Agnes, as she
prefers to be called, told me that while she was going through her divorce she
had three Scrabble words placed on her nightstand. “Grow.” “Adapt.” “Dream.” She pointed to the fancy divorce books on the
bookshelf in my office and said, “All of those books will tell you to
dream. But those books forget a few
steps.”
Flaming Agnes told me she
reads my blogs. She sets time aside with
a handful of tissues and she reads about my journey and reads our advice on how
to get through dark days. She feels like
we have been on similar paths. That
despite four decades between us – we are somehow the same and she can cry for
me and for her.
I take no credit for the
wisdom imparted in this post. It is all
from Agnes. She told me that first, and
it must be first, you have to adapt. You
have to adapt to changes in your circumstances, your heart, your life. Only after you have adapted to the newness of
all that is around you, can you take root and grow. And grow you must. You must grow into your new you. You will have growing pains – they are a
natural part of the growth process.
Finally, after growing into you, you can then take flight and dream
again. And dream you must she says. You must always dream.
Flaming Agnes had dreams of
a wide, open space to do her art in. She
had dreams of no longer walking on eggshells in the sanctuary that was her
home. She had dreams of being independent
and capable of doing things on her own.
Through the divorce, Agnes’ dreams came true.
I am often asked how I can
do the work that I do. I am nearly
incredulous when people ask this because I am “working” with people like
Agnes. I learn from and am inspired by
my clients daily. Agnes reminds me to be
mindful of the process and to not be further broken-hearted by unsatisfied
dreams before you are ready,
Adapt. Grow. Dream.
Angela Dunne
