“Why didn’t you tell me you were getting a breast biopsy?”
“Why didn’t you call me when your car wouldn’t start?”
“Why don’t you let me help?”
One of the best things about growing up one of eight with an alcoholic dad and an overworked mom is that you learn to manage exclusively on your own. One of the worst is that you live managing on your own to the exclusion of others.
The biggest fights I’ve had with my closest friends were instigated by my failure to reach out to them. I had surgery without saying so. I walked miles alone at night rather than “bother” them. I hid hurt without so much as a single story of my heartbreak.
This year I once again I start my year with fervent ambitions to “do better and be better”.
Many have tried to teach me the value of vulnerability. Husbands and lovers, co-workers and coaches, family and friends. If asked how I was, I was always, “Great. You?” If they tried to plan for my birthday, I’d keep them at a distance with “I’ll be away on a business trip.” If asked what they could bring for Thanksgiving dinner, it was “Just you!”
I turned away the offers of support, of wisdom, and of love because I had not yet learned how to journey through life allowing others to support me.
I’m one of those people who likes to ask, “Can I support you?” But this year I have a different question. I’ve made a different choice. This year I ask, “Are you willing to support me?”
You have experience I haven’t. I’m asking for your wisdom.
You know things I don’t. I’m asking for your advice.
You see things I can’t. I’m asking for your perspective.
I want your observations. Your reflections. Your toughest questions.
I need your help, and I trust in your compassion as you give it.
This year, I’m not waiting for others to offer. I’m asking now, and I intend to continue asking.
I’m asking for you to engage with me and with others on our journey to what is next.
To let me and others know what you know. To share your wisdom. To help me see my blinds spots. To challenge me. To help me fulfill my intentions this year to do better but mostly to be better.
What will this require of you? Connection. Vulnerabilty. Okay I’ll say it: Love. If you have a little love to give, please say yes. If it’s a no, that’s okay, too. The time may not be right.
I’ve waited a long time to ask. If you say yes to joining me on my journey this year, I promise you won’t be disappointed.
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