Skip to content

Month: May 2019

May 2019

Be Kind

My mother was patient and kind. She knew how to wait. For buses in the middle of winter. For one of her eight children to call on a Sunday afternoon. For a lifetime of prayers to be answered.  I did not inherit her patience gene. I’m more prone to precrastination than procrastination. I like to get to my goals quickly and efficiently. Being gifted a new bench for my rooftop deck, I was eager to give it some bright new cushions. I did my research, made my selection, and placed an online order for same day pick up. Enjoying my
Read More

Memorial Day Reminder

“I’d like to see him.” In between my sips of cabernet and the passing of crispy blue cheese potato bites, my words surprised me.  At happy hour with my girlfriends, I learned that Gary had entered hospice.  I have not seen Gary in a couple of years. Maybe three. While I’ve asked others how he was doing, I made no effort to connect. Now I heard myself asking for the phone number so I could visit. Gary was my neighbor. Developmentally disabled, he came to live with the couple next door as an adult, joining two other men who’d found
Read More

No Shame

Some people I love keep secrets from me.  Despite knowing I care deeply about them, there’s something they don’t want me to know.  Sometimes they hide the reason they did not respond to my calls and texts. Sometimes they hide that they have been in the hospital for days…again. Sometimes they hide that the police took them away in the middle of the night in their nightie, although they had committed no crime. Celebrities from Lady Gaga and Lena Dunham and Justin Beiber have talked about their anxiety and depression.  Bits of raw desperation and loneliness will pop up on
Read More

Can Men be Awarded Alimony in Nebraska?

Long gone are the days when family courts would almost automatically award custody and support to women in divorce cases.  The changing roles of men and women in the workforce and the marriage equality movement are now reflected in our laws regarding the family, blurring traditional gender roles and making it just as likely that men can be awarded alimony, depending on the specifics of the case. Nebraska laws regarding marriage and divorce are gender neutral by design.  The alimony factors that the courts consider when making a determination about alimony are all gender-neutral: The duration of the marriage; The
Read More

Understand the Rules About Divorce and Social Security

According to the Social Security Administration, women receive 24% less in Social Security benefits than men do, the result of women typically having spent fewer years in the workforce and earning less than their male counterparts. In addition to having a lower benefit, women also depend more on Social Security for their living expenses.  The SSA reports that women depend on Social Security for 51% of their total income, while men count on Social Security for only 36% of their income. Whether you are male or female, it is important for you to understand the rules for Social Security benefits
Read More

A Moment of Motherhood

The framed photo in my office to remind me of what mattered most needed an update. Before our era of instant cell phone selfies, a trip to a photography studio was in order.  It would replace the one that included my children’s father, from whom I was now divorced. Photographers Joe and Judy Johnston had known my family since my children they were babies. As they posed us for the portrait, they understood this was a milestone different than a wedding or graduation but no less important. I sat regally proud of my now smaller family.  A single strand of
Read More

Dear Moms

A letter to the moms I have worked with over the last 20 years Dear Moms, I have been watching you for years.  I have been listening to your struggles. I have been hearing your hope.  You have been teaching me strength, grit, persistence, passion, and loyalty.  You have been showing me the path of motherhood and I thank you. I see you reach for the tissue when you mention your child’s name the first time we meet in my office.  I hear you struggling with the decision to disrupt your intact family for a better life in the future,
Read More

Tips for Getting Your Retirement Plan Back on Track After a Divorce

Retirement accounts are typically one of the major assets married couples have. These accounts are considered marital property if they were acquired during the marriage. Couples who divorce as they are nearing retirement need to consider the long-term worth of each asset; trading away retirement assets in order to keep the house may be a sentimental choice but could end up being a foolish financial decision. Splitting a 401(k) or other qualified retirement plan requires the preparation of a QDRO (qualified domestic relations order). This order allows for the division of qualified plan assets in a tax-deferred manner for the
Read More

Nothing but Neutral

We were at the dinner table and my 12 and 14 year-old daughters were snickering about something their dad did.  I joined in on what I thought was light-hearted fun: I said something negative about their dad.  The conversation and chuckling came to a screeching halt.  “What just happened?” I wondered as a chill crept up my spine. “Mom.  Don’t do that.”  My 14 year-old Anna said sternly.  I felt the sting and shame all within a second.  You may not believe it, but in the 7 ½ years since our divorce, this was the first time I said something
Read More

Archives