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Coach Koenig

Divorce Dollars

April 2, 2015 /
My final year of law school I earned $6,200. My husband and I and our black lab Cardozo lived in an 800 square foot house. I rode my Honda scooter to class. Weekends were spent searching for finds at our favorite thrift stores. More than a decade later, my annual earnings as a full-time lawyer were $6,511. It was 1991, and the year of my divorce. How was it that I worked full-time practicing law with the work ethic of my Midwestern German parents and that this was all I had to show for? As I make my annual April
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Brothers Balance

March 19, 2015 /
My children lost a lot due to my divorce.  They lost dreams. They lost having one place to call home. They lost the luxury of not having to explain.  Despite a good co-parenting relationship between their dad and me, the tears and rage that can accompany divorce did not escape my children. The phone call with the tiny voice saying, “I just want to be with you.”  The bedroom door kicked in by my twelve year old. Cuttingly cruel words coming out of your own child’s mouth because he knows your wounds well. I wish I could have spared them.
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Tears

March 5, 2015 /
My life hasn’t seen this many tears since my husband, John, died. In the last two weeks, I have witnessed those near me experience a historic court ruling, a death of a beloved, and the next step on the divorce journey. In just 14 days I have lifted champagne to my lips in three separate places, had two titanium implants drilled into my jaw, lunched with a renowned executive from Japan, received bouquets of roses and daisies, and bolted out of a funeral service to openly break into the kind of uncontrollable sobs ordinarily reserved for the end of the
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Queen of Hearts

February 12, 2015 /
“The king is dead,” I blurted, staring straight ahead. The words leapt out of my mouth before I could see them, let alone catch them. It was three minutes past midnight. With a jeweled paper crown atop my head and sparkly Cinderella shoes on my feet, I sat alone at a table a few yards from the dance floor when the tall figure in a white cowboy hat approached slowly and asked, “Where’s the king?” I first came to this dance as a newlywed, but on this night my now former husband instead sent a small wave and slight smile
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Sad and Glad

January 29, 2015 /
It was nearly 25 years since I was a visitor in their home. Wearing my brown silk vintage dress with a bouquet of calla lilies in hand, I anxiously rang the bell. The door opened and my former mother-in-law welcomed me in. Their new house was elegant. Soft yellow walls. Rich rugs. A lovely view of the golden winter landscape. Its inviting feel was reminiscent of the living room I walked into as second year law student when my future husband brought me home for my inaugural introduction. This time I had come to say thank you. One more time.
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Head, Heart, Guts

January 15, 2015 /
Being an attorney with a strong analytical mind, I like to use my brain for decision-making. Making lists of “Pros and Cons.”  Calculating risk.  Assessing the upsides and downsides. I look at a number. A score. An amount. How much will this cost? How long will it take? When I am on a roll in the search for my perfect answer, I seek more opinions and do more research. I can get lost in time on websites taking me deeper into the abyss until I’m going in circles of increasing confusion. Analysis paralysis sets in. I get stuck. The problem
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New Year View

December 31, 2014 /
I felt silly thinking twice about what to wear to dinner at the home of my former husband. It has been over thirty years since the holiday season when Benjamin was our newborn baby. This year, Ben was on break from grad school at NYU and throwing a dinner party at his father’s. I was on the guest list. I love to dress up for parties of any sort, but for this soiree I opted for my comfortable gray sweater, the sparkling jeweled necklace from my stepdaughter, and my newest red lipstick.  Ben  asked me to bring  extra forks. I
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Christmastime Courage

December 18, 2014 /
The holiday “To Do” list is long, but one by one the items get crossed off:                         Finish wrapping gifts                         Write checks for tips                         See divorce attorney Every December I am amazed by the courage of those who consult with a divorce attorney in the same month they decorate Christmas cookies.  Holidays can be the most heart-connected time of year with loved ones. Aromas from the kitchen remind us of our own childhood and the “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament causes us to pause and reflect. Holidays also hold expectations. That we will be with our family. That there
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Randy, Tom, and Tim

November 20, 2014 /
I kept looking at their faces. Their beautiful smiles. Two handsome men near my age. Something tugged at me, made me want to draw closer to them. Then it hit me. They reminded me of my brother, Tim, who would have been about their age had he not died 20 years ago this week. It was the eve of the filing of a federal lawsuit seeking that the marriage of Randy and Tom be recognized in our state.  They and six other loving and committed couples who took on all the responsibilities of marriage were about to ask for its
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Halloween Hints

October 30, 2014 /
When your 8 year old wants to sleep in her Elsa costume from endless exuberance for Halloween, it’s no wonder parents attach so much meaning to this happy holiday. For many it lands right up there with Thanksgiving and Christmas on the favorite scale. Halloween is a multibillion dollar industry as goblins fill our lawn, we transform into mythical characters, and delight in a treasure trove of sugar treats. For me, Halloween also holds childhood memories for me. Being one who likes to play dress up, I remember wrapping myself in sheets to become a Greek goddess and carrying my
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