Excitement is building with news of states opening back up after the initial wave of COVID in our community.  That old familiar feeling of what can only be explained as bubbles swirling in my stomach and heart on the precipice of bursting.  I put pen to paper this week planning those first steps back into what we hope will be “back to normal life.”  It is my responsibility to prepare the action plan for my team.

Sometimes I think this shouldn’t be my job.  Patience has long been a virtue that I have failed time and time again to achieve.  Add that to the headstrong and stubborn Taurus traits I have wielded my entire life and the core of me can be a disaster waiting to happen when “phasing-in” and steadiness are required.

I recall another slightly exhilarating but ultimately terrifying re-entry I was to make after my divorce decree was signed and entered.  In that time, the prospect of new love, owning a home on my own, and caring for my children no longer with my partner both overwhelmed and excited me.  It was trying on my old, but now new again, name.

My heightened nerves hesitated each time I went to dip my proverbial toe in the water.  Sometimes the bravest days are those taken after the storm.  The rebuilding in vulnerability is nothing short of frightening.  Will it be wonderful in new ways, or will it be worse, thus realizing our most dreaded of fears?

I look in my worn and weathered toolbox for the tool to help me surmount my typical ways and to support my will.  Perspective.  That looks like the tool that is needed now.

I intuitively know that I need patience, perspective, and steadiness.  I just wrote it out.  I know well my antsy feelings and cravings for relief after chronic stress.  I know these knee-jerk reactions have not served me well in the past with failed rebound relationships, failed housing transactions that led to 4 moves in the span of 45 days, and children getting a half-engaged mom due to the distractions of my rush for re-entry.

Perspective.  Pacing.  Breathing.

I need to allow the wisdom from my past rushing to guide me now for the best outcome.  This has only been 60 days.  60 more with a steady and safe plan is doable.  I write my intentions: To keep my team safe and healthy; To keep my team’s families safe and healthy; To care for my clients and meet their needs; To be patient, loving and thoughtful.

I can pace myself and plan to re-enter. I see the rush and can avoid it.  I allow my prior life lessons guide me now.   Slowing down, seeing with perspective, will serve me well in creating a new and safe space. Now that’s something to be excited about.

Angela Dunne

CategoryDoing Divorce
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