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Month: January 2012

January 2012

What’s In a Name?

I promise I am not about to tell you to stop and smell the roses during your divorce.  But I may not be able to resist quoting Shakespeare while discussing a very particular challenge related to divorce. The name change issue and the ensuing identity struggle during and after divorce is a common one.  Men ask me if they can control whether their former wife changes her name back to her maiden name (they can’t) and women, particularly women with children, struggle with this big decision.  I recently overheard two divorced moms discussing this complex issue.  One woman had restored
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Making a Case

Thirty years of being a divorce lawyer taught me how to build a winning case. I learned that one can gather evidence for any conclusion.  At trial, both sides have a stack of exhibits, a list of witnesses, a summary of statutes, and an argument. We build cases to support our conclusions. When going through divorce, we choose from many conclusions:             “My life is ruined.”  OR “My life is changing but it will be okay.”             “My children will be devastated.” OR “With enough love and stability, my children                                                                                           will survive this.”             “I will never recovery financially.” OR
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Think Positive

In contrast to people’s often stated resolve to think positively, this week my assistant posed the question, “Do people ever chose to think negatively?”  The answer, in a word, yes ~ particularly during a divorce.  In our culture, we are conditioned to respond to divorce, by default, in a negative way.  My young daughters have been perplexed that Daddy and Mommy do not hate each other because that is what divorce means when watching t.v. or listening to classmates at school.  When actually going through divorce, it is as if you are handed a license to go ahead and think
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Starting Small

I once denied that I was ambitious. It sounded so mean. Like I would do anything to get what I wanted. Truth be told, I am ambitious. I love accomplishment. While some groan when the new year talk turns to goals, I light up. Give me a great idea and I’ll turn it into a goal before you can say “It was just an idea.”  Goals ensure I focus on what matters to me.  Building a law firm, writing books, biking across Iowa. As a coach I am thrilled to help people reach goals. Goals have always inspired me. But
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