Tag: Koenig Dunne

Koenig Dunne

Sacrificing Smiles

March 30, 2017 / Doing Divorce

She told a heartbreaking tale: Of a marriage long desired, of children finally born, and of it all unraveling after. Her marriage now finds itself in a house with two middle school age children and a spouse she barely considers a confidante. Intimacy of any kind deserted them more than a decade ago. And these words she spoke after finally meeting with the divorce lawyer to look at her options and dividing time with her children became real: “My happiness can wait. I will have time to be happy. I need to make the best of it as it is

Spring Reminder

March 23, 2017 / Doing Divorce

Each year I send a photo of my first spotting of a spring flower to my longtime friend, Melodee, in Anchorage. She sends me back a picture of her snow covered driveway. It is a pause to appreciate the perpetual power of the seasons. Every year the crocus counsels me on the inevitability of spring. Every year I need her precious reminder. As winter comes to a close, I find myself mysteriously steeped in focusing on doubts and disappointments, mostly in myself. Am I once again pledging to purge the little stacks and bags and boxes lingering in corners? Am

Lucky Us

March 16, 2017 / Doing Divorce

I remember the instantaneous excitement I felt when the girls came home from school and enthusiastically reported that Anna got a part in the play. As someone who did my own share of performances in junior high and high school, I was thrilled to see her so excited to experience the unique kind of magic that being part of a cast and a show produces. This was her first year with a role, a costume, and a solo. I wanted to be with her for all of it and to celebrate it all. When mapping out the rehearsal and performance

Beautiful Still

March 9, 2017 / Doing Divorce

By the time I was sixteen I knew I was a one man woman. I fell in love with the long-haired guitar playing hippie and remained madly so until I was half way through college. A serial monogamist, I love being coupled. Being coupled means an ever present partner for the small joys that fill me up. Someone to make a spinach frittata for or to bring me a cup of coffee just the way I like it. A fellow traveler strolling from the arugula stand to the flower stall at the farmer’s market. The one who relaxes reading nearby

Why Wait

March 2, 2017 / Doing Divorce

“I just want it over,” he said. I remember he’d been insistent he get the earliest available appointment. When asked whether he had been referred to a specific attorney he said, “Yes. But just get me in. I need someone now.” There were no allegations of intimate partner abuse, of bank accounts being emptied or credit cards being maxed out. No dispute about who would remain in the marital home. No children. Unlike most who consult about divorce, Jason wasn’t interested in sharing his story of his fifteen year marriage or why its end appeared imminent. He’d barely taken his

Being Dishonest

February 23, 2017 / Doing Divorce

I was sneaking down the stairs to the basement to avoid both the creaky steps and detection. I made my way to the Sam’s Club storage stash and started taking the packs of toilet paper out to hide them in a different place. I was nervous and moving quickly. The shame of my scheming and deceitful behavior was one thought and tear away. I felt like a thief. I was in my own home. To remember, let alone admit to this behavior, immediately fills me with embarrassment. I had a choice to ignore this part of my past and pretend

Resisting Relaxing

February 2, 2017 / Doing Divorce

I believe in the rule of three. When I hear something three times, I pay attention. “Relax” said my friend, watching my analysis of the political happenings of the day, my voice speeding up as though to catch my waving arms. “Relax” said my instructor at my Tuesday night belly dance lesson as my mind battled with my body. “Relax” said my co-worker as I battled an imaginary opponent, explaining with agitation my missed deadline. Am I really that uptight? Does my mere presence make others anxious? Am I the antithesis of easy going? I picture myself a positive person,

Pursuing Perspective

January 26, 2017 / Doing Divorce

When she stood at the altar with him and they recited their vows through smiles and tears, she did not imagine that a few years later he would be hiding alcohol bottles in the garage out of reach of their two year old and calling her fat and lazy. She did not anticipate that she would feel unsafe in the home that should have served as sanctuary. The more abusive and drunk he became, the more she tried to “obey” his rules. She developed unrealistic standards of herself and her children. She was a slave to her own rigidity born

How to Melt Ice

January 19, 2017 / Doing Divorce

As a Sunday ice storm moved into the city, my co-workers made plans to enjoy the closing of the office to turn the weekend from two days to three. My exuberance for a winter snow day, however, was nowhere to be found. Dangerous roads put the kibosh on brunch plans with friends. A remodel project meant chaos reigned around me with a bathroom demolished, my bed a mattress on my dining room floor, and a dusting of drywall powder throughout. The only thing I had more of than messes were excuses. How could I do my yoga routine with my

Knowing Nana

January 12, 2017 / Doing Divorce

They messaged with only a moment’s notice – the pair who served as my in-lawed parents for a decade. They were in town for their annual Christmas break week with my girls – their grandchildren. My daughters wanted to show them our new home and without thinking about the state of my living room a few days after Christmas, I said yes. I have seen my former in-laws on a handful of occasions since the divorce over 5 years ago at the occasional dance recital or soccer game when they come to town for a visit. We would exchange brief

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