Category: Doing Divorce

Angela Dunne provides practical advice based on real examples of what she and her clients have faced through the transition of divorce.

Doing Divorce

Angela Dunne provides practical advice based on real examples of what she and her clients have faced through the transition of divorce.

Expectations or Expectancy

February 16, 2017 / Doing Divorce

Expectations have set me up for more than a little suffering in life. This week I decided to give expectancy of good a try instead. When I predict things will go badly, expectations leave me feeling blue in anticipation. When I predict events will unfold precisely as I’d planned, expectations inevitably leave me feeling disappointed. I decided to set aside my Valentine’s Day expectations of happy or sad, of good or bad, and instead hold the expectancy of a good day. I used my analytical mind to protect my thin-skinned heart. I retrieved a favorite well-worn tool, list-making, and gathered

Above and Beyond

February 9, 2017 / Doing Divorce

I was starting to stress with every snowflake coming down. I had to get my girls safely to school on time in this slippery slush and then make sure I was in the courtroom with my exhibits organized and ready to go promptly at our 9 a.m. start time. From the parking garage I half jogged in my suit and snow boots toting my rolling briefcase behind me and double checking that I had my high heels ready for a quick change in the courthouse. I arrived somewhat breathless to find a dark courtroom. Neither the bailiff nor the judge

Resisting Relaxing

February 2, 2017 / Doing Divorce

I believe in the rule of three. When I hear something three times, I pay attention. “Relax” said my friend, watching my analysis of the political happenings of the day, my voice speeding up as though to catch my waving arms. “Relax” said my instructor at my Tuesday night belly dance lesson as my mind battled with my body. “Relax” said my co-worker as I battled an imaginary opponent, explaining with agitation my missed deadline. Am I really that uptight? Does my mere presence make others anxious? Am I the antithesis of easy going? I picture myself a positive person,

Pursuing Perspective

January 26, 2017 / Doing Divorce

When she stood at the altar with him and they recited their vows through smiles and tears, she did not imagine that a few years later he would be hiding alcohol bottles in the garage out of reach of their two year old and calling her fat and lazy. She did not anticipate that she would feel unsafe in the home that should have served as sanctuary. The more abusive and drunk he became, the more she tried to “obey” his rules. She developed unrealistic standards of herself and her children. She was a slave to her own rigidity born

How to Melt Ice

January 19, 2017 / Doing Divorce

As a Sunday ice storm moved into the city, my co-workers made plans to enjoy the closing of the office to turn the weekend from two days to three. My exuberance for a winter snow day, however, was nowhere to be found. Dangerous roads put the kibosh on brunch plans with friends. A remodel project meant chaos reigned around me with a bathroom demolished, my bed a mattress on my dining room floor, and a dusting of drywall powder throughout. The only thing I had more of than messes were excuses. How could I do my yoga routine with my

Knowing Nana

January 12, 2017 / Doing Divorce

They messaged with only a moment’s notice – the pair who served as my in-lawed parents for a decade. They were in town for their annual Christmas break week with my girls – their grandchildren. My daughters wanted to show them our new home and without thinking about the state of my living room a few days after Christmas, I said yes. I have seen my former in-laws on a handful of occasions since the divorce over 5 years ago at the occasional dance recital or soccer game when they come to town for a visit. We would exchange brief

On Vacation

July 17, 2014 / Doing Divorce

Sitting on the beach with my toes warmed from being buried in the sand, my senses were engulfed with the sounds of seagulls cawing in and out of the sky. My daughters’ laughter shrieked up over the crashing waves as they tentatively toed their way into the icy cold waters. I felt my entire body relax as I smelled the wood burning from a nearby bonfire. I could taste salt on my lips from the spraying sea mist. I had captured pure contentment. In advance of my departure to the Oregon coast for a vacation with my family, I crafted

Mindfulness in Motherhood, A Message for Moms

May 8, 2014 / Doing Divorce

My daughter Sophia tugs the ears of people she loves. It started when she was a baby, as I nursed her she would reach up and pull at my ear. As she got older, she would suck her thumb and tug at her own ear or the ear of any loved one nearby. Her practice of ear tugging and tugging at our hearts with this gesture continues even today. I recall with clarity the first time I saw Sophia tugging her now stepmom’s ear. I was coaching Anna’s soccer team and from across the field, I saw Sophia crawl onto

A Year of Happy

December 13, 2012 / Doing Divorce

I went through my divorce in 2011. It was not a happy year. My former spouse and I reached the amicable decision to divorce together and there were no surprises, nor was there any mistreatment of each other. So as far as divorcing went, I actually had some of the best of circumstances. Notwithstanding, it was a year filled up to the brim with uncertainty, sadness, worry and grief as every part of my life changed. About this time last year, I decided I would never in my life have a repeat of the year I had just “survived.” I

Normal

October 4, 2012 / Doing Divorce

After thousands of initial divorce consultations with men and women contemplating whether or not to move forward with a divorce, I find myself frequently questioning normal. People often reveal to me the intimate details of their married lives. They reveal how she lives upstairs, he lives downstairs. They reveal how they no longer talk to their spouses – at all. They reveal how they have been unhappy for years and years before making it to the chair across my desk. And I think “When did that become normal?” My parents just celebrated their 42nd wedding anniversary and for the last

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