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Tag: Change

Tag: Change

Moving On

(My daughters and me on the eve of our recent move) There has been a pit in my stomach for over a week now brought on by one of those inevitable changes in life – moving from one house to another.  While excitement may surface in the ebb and flow of change, for me, those moments are fleeting.  Packing up your life creates temporary chaos.  I can’t find my shoes, I forgot to pay a bill on time, and my pets are hiding in distress.  I haven’t eaten a decent meal in 7 days and the new night noises are
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Heartache Pass

This is my charmed life. My Saturday started with a delightful invitation from a law school classmate to pick wild flowers on his acreage. Armed with my best shears, I gleefully celebrated the humble goldenrod as our state flower while filling my bucket to the brim. As I leaned in for the Black Eyed Susans, a wave of sadness gently washed over me. I was reminded of a bit of heaven on earth from my married life. Like many who go through divorce, a treasured piece of land I loved had to be sold. It was the place I went
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Bittersweet Thanksgiving

The bittersweet in my kitchen window seems appropriate. The view of the November sky though the elegantly arched window of my newly remodeled kitchen brings that familiar feel of the holiday mix of emotions of a person whose family has changed. My sons won’t be with me on Thanksgiving as I proudly carry my perfectly roasted turkey to the table set well in advance with linens, china, candles, and, of course, the turkey salt and pepper shakers.  No husband will recite the traditional blessing which was always sweeter than the pecan pie. And I will not hear the voice of
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Ruining Routine

As the busy holiday season winds down, a peculiar thing happens.  We find ourselves cheerfully looking forward to a full work-week ahead.  Why?  Why after extra days off enjoying traditions with our family and friends, do we suddenly shift to the opposite end of the spectrum and seek the return of full inboxes and lengthy to-dos? We love our routines.  We are programmed from infancy that routines are comforting and contribute to our feelings of stability.  So come January, after several weeks in a row of joyful disruptions, we simply crave our routines again.  We crave the need to “get
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Do Over

One of the most dreaded days of the year is fast approaching.  You know the day I am talking about – the day all of the holiday decorations get taken down and packed away until next year.  The soft glow of the twinkle lights come down, the cozy holiday throws come off the couch, and the sentimental ornaments collected over the years get packed up.  Everything feels empty and your surroundings look stark. Such is the feeling when going through divorce.  Whether you physically move spaces or not, it feels like you pack and put away all of your sentimental
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Sacred Time

For as long as I can remember I have enjoyed setting goals and reaching them. Whether it was saving a sum of money for college or throwing a birthday party for a friend, I got a kick out of making a plan and making it happen. Each year I set enthusiastic goals. Each goal has a deadline for completion before the end of year holidays. I declare these weeks a sacred time. To be sacred means to be dedicated to a specific purpose. I dedicate the final weeks of each year to creating a season of joy and meaning. I
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Leaving its Mark

Today was the day. On what would have been our fifteenth wedding anniversary I remove the delicate yellow and white gold band from the third finger of my left hand. It had been my mother’s.  I was never much for diamonds, and happily wore this modest symbol of my commitment for the entire world to see. Today I remove its magical and protective powers with a small tug on my hand and a big one on my heart. Being married conveys instant status in our culture.  Like being born white or able bodied or straight, it bestows upon us an
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Handle With Care

I am all packed up and moving out of my life.  For the past 2 weeks I have been packing up my former marital residence.  I have been digging into every corner and closet, uncovering clutter and along with it, hundreds of memories.  I located the sticky note my former husband gave me with his phone number (yes, before the days when we could simply bump iPhones).  I found every wedding receipt and to-do list.  I found the journal I kept when we were expecting our first daughter and cards we exchanged over the years.  I found all the heartbreak
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The Nest

In early April I discovered a momma robin had made her nest in the pergola over my deck.  She had tucked her baby’s home in the corner by my sparkly lights.  I checked on her every day.  She chattered at me from the nearby tree if I came out when she was not perched on her egg – warning me to go away.  Her nest was beautiful and intricate with all of the tree branches woven tight and spare grasses forming a soft cradle.  I could not see the egg inside because it was too high up and, the truth
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